The Virginia Gentlemen Remember: "Macho Man" Randy Savage

For those folks that thought "Where were you when you heard bin Laden died?" would be the most "Where were you when you heard Kennedy died?" moment since "Where were you when you heard about 9/11?", it's time to put things into perspective.  For the new cultural touchstone inquiry that young men men will ask each other for years to come is now "Where were you when you heard that the Macho Man died?"

A man who knew that you had to be bold to wear the gold.

History will remember the Macho Man for many things.  First, his excellent use of public domain music for his entrance theme cannot be denied.  Although some foolishly equate "Pomp and Circumstance" with graduations, those in the know associate the song with the Macho Man walking down that aisle.  Clearly this momentous death should serve as catalyst for the nation to re-evaluate its priorities and retire the song forever out of respect for the Macho Man.

Second, the Macho Man was an excellent entertainer outside the ring.  Obviously his prowess on the microphone and propensity for cocaine lead to his second career endorsing spiced meat sticks.  He became so synonymous with the product that his death falling on the same day as the closing of ConAgra's Slim Jim factory in North Carolina, much like Charles Schulz dying the day before the last Peanuts comic strip, is evidence of a divine plan.  However, many are not aware of his rap career, which peaked with 2003's Be a Man, an album that earned the praise of 50 Cent, a man whose endorsement is as golden as Ron Swanson's.  Although Fiddy was known for his dis tracks, he never quite mastered the art as well as Savage, whose verbal assault on Hulk Hogan on "Be a Man" rivals "Hit 'Em Up" as the apex of the medium.

Finally, Savage's in-ring ability was tops.  He won the WWF Intercontinental Title, the WWF Heavyweight Championship twice, and the WCW World Heavyweight Championship four times.  His fueds against Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat  (their bout at Wrestlemania III is considered to be among the top Wrestlemania matches of all time) and Jake "The Snake" Roberts are the stuff of late 80s-early 90s wrestling legend., as is the persistent urban legend that he slept with an underage Stephanie McMahon (which appears to be the wrestling equivalent of Delonte West sleeping with LeBron's mom).

In an effort to honor this fallen hero, the theme of the BBQ we will be hosting this Saturday afternoon has been changed to Macho Madness: A Memorial Service for Randy Savage.  The menu of hot dogs and mac and cheese will of course be replaced with Slim Jims.  Instead of flip cup and cornhole, the festivities will now include backyard wrestling and a screening of the nine-hour, 3 DVD Macho Man Collection.  We hope you will be able to join us for this celebration of life and top-turnbuckle elbow drops.

--J.J. Gittes