The Virginia Gentlemen Endorse: Turquoise Jeep Records

Parody has a rich tradition when it comes to popular music.  In this modern age, there is a group that has harnessed the power of the Internet to make their sweet beats, dance moves, and ground-breaking videos an intergalactic phenomenon--The Turqoise Jeep Records family.

Turquoise Jeep Records, much like the 2011 Phillies rotation, features four all-star talents and another guy who is objectively talented and a necessary member of the team, but not as talented as his teammates.  The Kyle Kendrick is Turquoise Jeep's Joe Blanton is Slick Mahony, who provides the closest thing the group has to blue-eyed soul.  Turquoise Jeep's Four Horsemen are: Flynt Flossy, the group's top dancer and rapper; Pretty Raheem, the big-boned crooner; Yung Humma, the driving force behind "Smang" (which will be dicussed below); and the reclusive Tummi Scratch, the beat-maker and producer.

The men that keep the jeep ridin'.

However, my clever metaphors will only go so far in convincing you about the majesty of Turquoise Jeep.  Without further ado, here are their greatest hits of their short but brilliant career:

1) "Wifey Boo" by Pretty Raheem

Pretty Raheem shows us that he's more than just a pretty face, he's a hell of a dancer (especially for a man of his build).  Also of note, Flynt Flossy's declaration that he's going to heat that ass up like a beef and rice Lean Cusine.



2) "Cavities" by Flynt Flossy, Pretty Raheem, and Whatchyamacallit

This is notable for the rare appearance by Whatchyamacallit, Turquoise Jeep's equivalent of Kyle Kendrick, the spot starter who does a serviceable job when needed, but doesn't have the talent to stick around the big leagues for long.



3) "Lemme Smang It" by Yung Humma and Flynt Flossy

This is the smash (and bang) hit.  "Lemme smang it, girl" has easily replaced "What's your screen name?" or "Did you happen to catch the Reading Phillies / Erie Seawolves score?" as the Gentleman's pickup line of choice.  Peep this and you'll see why.



4) "Go Grab My Belt" by Slick Mahony

A Slick Mahony video is like a start by the fifth starter--it's not a great Turquoise Jeep jam, but it's still a Turquoise Jeep jam, and that's better than a lot of other things.



5) "Did I Mention I Like to Dance?" by Flynt Flossy

This is the most recent Turqoise Jeep release, which is essentially three minutes of Flynt Flossy going nuts while wearing a fantastic windsuit.  Prepare to be amazed.



Flynt Flossy's moves are both awe-inspiring yet depressing, as one cannot help but to think that mere mortals cannot reach such heights.  Fear not, as F.Floss is a humanitarian as well and wishes for us to achieve a mere fraction of his greatness.  Behold, a snippet of "Flow with the Floss."



--J.J. Gittes